eight years later grief stings. it still makes no sense. and it can still make me feel like I can't breathe.
obviously...most of the time...life is still moving along. I don't always feel confused and hurt and sad. and that is because of the beautiful love of Jesus.
but there isn't a day that I don't think of him. and there are still a lot of times when I do feel confused and hurting and sad. and I still get very panicked if I can't remember the way his voice sounded saying my name, or his real laugh, or how his hands looked when he played the guitar. thankfully, the panic always fades when those pieces of doug come back to me. and I can hear him say "ABIGAIL!". (I could hear it as I typed that).
and I realize I won't forget.
no matter how many years there are between him leaving earth and the great reunion that is to come.
and as odd as it might sound. I am so thankful for my life. I type that through tears. because heaven knows there are parts of my life that I wish never, ever, ever happened. september 3, 2002.
the parts that I am thankful for surround that day, though. my family. my douglas. my dearest truest friends. peter, my gift. eden. charlotte. my God.
the reason I am still thankful for the life that I didn't imagine for myself is because it has God's grace and healing splattered all over it. and it continues to.
most of the time this blog will speak of the joy that fills my being. and/or cute pictures of my kids.
but sometimes it will speak of the sadness that I will carry with me for always.
and it will always end with the hope and the truth that I know.