Tuesday, July 19, 2011

peace out, twenty-eight

that's right.  tomorrow I turn 29.  and I am so thankful for that.  I really don't get why some people have a problem with aging.
my perspective on every single thing in life changed at the age of 20 when doug died.  I think I became an old lady at a pretty young age.  I don't look at anything the same way.
I am more thankful for everything.  I actually couldn't finish reading "the color kittens" to the girls today at nap time because I was so choked up.  because as I was reading I was overwhelmed by the fact that God gave them to me to read to.  I'm serious.  crying over story time.  told you...old lady.
last night I had a hard time falling asleep because I was missing Doug and was having a hard time reliving some difficult memories.  it just happens...mostly when I least expect it.  I got mad that I was about to be 29 and he only made it to 22 days shy of 24.
this morning I woke up with a renewed soul.  and I am not thinking about those hurty memories.  I am thinking of good ones.  and making new ones with my daughters.
including:  making ants a playground and swimming pool with side walk chalk...
and popsicles after a HOT morning walk.
I am feeling fine at almost twenty-nine.  and the fact that I write that for all to read is really miraculous.
because I used to think that admitting that I was thankful for life and feeling fine, meant that I was somehow erasing the deep pain that I still feel and covering up parts of life and people that aren't here anymore.  but it doesn't.
It means thank God for another year of life and breath and grace and miracles.  thank God for the past, and the now, and the unknown to come.

I have two birthday wishes: new sunglasses. and a referral.  please??
let the july birthdays continue! (we have 9 in our family!)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

go! to guatemala.

yes...that's our daddy throughout and at the end!  we can't wait to go!

Thursday, July 07, 2011


 happy birthday to you...my pretty baby.
 you are delightful.  hilarious.  sweetness.  with a touch of your mama's stubborn side.
 you love babies.  you think you are 4.  you are a goof ball.  and before you went to bed tonight you sang "happy duhtday to my bottom" and laughed and laughed with your big sissy.  bottoms and booties are so, so unbelievably funny to you (and her).
 we could never, ever, ever thank God enough times for sending you to us.
you are joy.
tonight I curled up in the bottom bunk with you and rubbed your face until you drifted off to sleepy town.  and I just stared at you sleeping and cried.  because I love you so awfully much.

welcome to being two.