Monday, June 06, 2011

I just don't fit in

sometimes when I'm at a baby shower...or an event where those surrounding me are mostly female...I start to get that feeling.  the feeling that I'm just different.  because a lot of times when women get together they start talking about their children. and babies. and families.  and how many do you want?  and they say things like "Oh we're DONE!" and then receive head nods in agreement from the others in the group.
and I just kind of sit there.  because I don't feel overwhelmed when I think about having *gasp* more than 2 or 3 children (I actually feel giddy about that thought).  and I can promise you that you will never hear me utter the words "I'm DONE!"...as if having and raising children is something I can't wait to be finished with.  quite the contrary.  I'm sure there will come a time when Pete and I (along with God) make a decision on how many children will be a part of our family.  but it won't be based on how exhausting children are, or how much I love/hate being pregnant, or how expensive children are/adoption is...or other reasons I've heard people groan about.
I grew up as the 4th child in a family with 5 children.  and a lot of people thought that was a lot of kids.  I thought it was normal.  I was just as doted on as the first.  and still am.  I grew up with a mother that cherished me and rocked me until I was way too big to be held.  parents that loved family and children.  we weren't involved in 8 billion activities growing up and life didn't revolve around us.  it revolved around family. and our faith.
I'm definitely not writing this because I think people that have 0, 1, or 2 children are horrible.  I think that's beautiful.  I just get tired of hearing mothers act like raising any number of little blessings that God gave them infringes on their time.  and that wanting more than 2 or 3 is so crazy and unimaginable.
because I am very thankful for every minute of time I spend making meals. making beds. folding little clothes. wiping hands. wiping bottoms. teaching. singing. and laughing with.
I'm not perfect. and I do get tired of saying "be nice to your sister" and "say you're sorry", etc.
but I can't imagine saying I'm done (in an overwhelmed tone) with these...




because they are joy to the max.  really.
and I promise I'll still say that when they are pimple faced and have body odor and don't like me.
I like being different. and not fitting in.

11 comments:

Lara said...

I completely agree with you. I feel like our society and even the Christian Church doesn't view children the way the bible does. Children are a blessing according to scripture. Why aren't they treated as such? I can't fathom being "done" but people ask all the time if we'll be "done" after this adoption.

Jamie said...

Ah! Thank you for this beautiful post. Even feeling a need for some spacing right now, I can't say we are done. I secretly wish I was a Harbin quite often. I hope my children cherish this life as much as you do yours.

MamaMimi said...

Amen sister! Beautiful post and I couldn't agree more!!!

Laura said...

I have 4! I love it though I am frequently frustrated. We would have more if we could. Medical issues make that not possible. But I would love to adopt a little girl when Miles is a little older!

Hannah D said...

I hear your heart sister! So beautiful & honest, love it :) Being a mother is an amazing gift God has given us & one we should never take for granted. Your post is a true reminder of this.

Alison said...

Love your heart, girl! My husband used to say (after our 3 were born) that "we're done!" And I would just reluctantly agree, but I am SO GLAD that God showed us both that we were NOT DONE! Can't wait to welcome our 4th child into our family! :)

Renee said...

ahhhhh!!!! Abby i love you and your mama heart so much! so many thoughts on this....

- i agree w/not being in a billion activites! we only do church and lifegroup and occasional playdates and it feels like too much sometimes. sometimes wish i just lived on an amish farm away from the busyness of life w/nothing but making meals, playing in the yard, and cuddling little ones is on the agenda. but trying to find the balance :)

- you are dead on about babies being a gift we should treasure and not resent or think of as some sort of countdown till they're out of the house and we're "done". i am already dreading those days when they are gone.... boo!

- when is Mama Harbin going to get a blog going? i bet she's got some good stories/wisdom for us younger moms!

- i think in this world, it's actually a good thing to not fit in. keep on being your beautiful square peg self in the round, crazy world! :)

love you and your beautiful girls!

one last thing on this never-ending comment.....i totally expect to see a TLC show in about 10 years with some title like "The Dockery Dozen" or something. whattya think??? :)

Anonymous said...

You are pure sweetness miss abby & I love it! hope I'm half the loving mom that you are :)

Alaina Gray said...

Couldn't have said it better!

Anonymous said...

And, just so you know, the "anonymous" comment was alicia... Don't know why my name didn't show? Weird.

Jayna said...

Abby, beautiful post. I love it. thanks so much for sharing. It's a great reminder of what a blessing these little (albeit CRAZY) ones are! Love ya.