Wednesday, October 13, 2010

thinking about the babe

when we began the adoption process I thought a bunch about the child we were going to adopt.  I wondered about him or her.  what this sweet one would look like.  how our children would love this baby.  how much we would, too.
but now, a couple of months into it things are a little different.  now I get teary missing this child.  I actually miss a child that I have never met and might not even be born.  which to those who are adopting or have adopted doesn't sound strange at all, I'm guessing.
I have the same feelings that I did when I was pregnant with charlotte.  always wondering if she was a boy or a girl.  who would she look like?  what would her cry sound like?  and I would burst into tears thinking about how much I loved this baby growing inside of me.
not that I didn't wonder these things with's just that I had NO clue how much I would love my children until God gave us eden.  I mean, I loved her when she was on the inside and even before she was conceived...but when she came out.  good grief.  that achy, deep, crazy, holy cow my heart my burst wide open LOVE.  that's what I didn't know about until she was placed in my arms. 
but now I know.  and my heart already bursts with love for this baby that isn't growing inside of my uterus...but has already taken up residence in my heart.  and every day that we wait that love just grows and grows.
just another thing I didn't know.  I didn't know how much I could love a child halfway around the world.  I didn't know I'd be chopping up sweet potatoes for dinner and start sniffling because I miss a baby in ethiopia.
still no USCIS approval...but prayers and hopes for a speedy delivery.


Rachel said...

I can totally understand how you feel. The wait the excitement the curiosity! We are paper pregnant. I love the shirt it is so comfortable I wear it all the time. I wanted some advice you can private message me if you want. We are going to start a fundraiser. I am going to be selling some jewelry that Uganda women have made and I should have it any day to be able to start selling it. I also want to do a shirt. I have heard from one other adoption friend that it isn't worth it. Did it help you with your Ransom? What sizes should I get the most of? It is so hard to pick what I want on it. Also how did you get more people to view your blog so that they could know about your fundraiser? I would love any advice our baby should be able to come home just a couple months after we raise enough funds. So I know I sound [a little] desperate. Thanks!

Mama Mimi said...

You're right, that doesn't sound strange to me at all ;) I kind of laugh at the comments from some people "I don't know if I could love an adopted child like my biological children". They don't know what they're missing...but that's ok!

Brei said...

praying for you, friend...feeling your anxious waiting.

Renee said...

the beautiful God-given love of beautiful Mama....i love this :)