Tuesday, July 19, 2011

peace out, twenty-eight

that's right.  tomorrow I turn 29.  and I am so thankful for that.  I really don't get why some people have a problem with aging.
my perspective on every single thing in life changed at the age of 20 when doug died.  I think I became an old lady at a pretty young age.  I don't look at anything the same way.
I am more thankful for everything.  I actually couldn't finish reading "the color kittens" to the girls today at nap time because I was so choked up.  because as I was reading I was overwhelmed by the fact that God gave them to me to read to.  I'm serious.  crying over story time.  told you...old lady.
last night I had a hard time falling asleep because I was missing Doug and was having a hard time reliving some difficult memories.  it just happens...mostly when I least expect it.  I got mad that I was about to be 29 and he only made it to 22 days shy of 24.
this morning I woke up with a renewed soul.  and I am not thinking about those hurty memories.  I am thinking of good ones.  and making new ones with my daughters.
including:  making ants a playground and swimming pool with side walk chalk...
and popsicles after a HOT morning walk.
I am feeling fine at almost twenty-nine.  and the fact that I write that for all to read is really miraculous.
because I used to think that admitting that I was thankful for life and feeling fine, meant that I was somehow erasing the deep pain that I still feel and covering up parts of life and people that aren't here anymore.  but it doesn't.
It means thank God for another year of life and breath and grace and miracles.  thank God for the past, and the now, and the unknown to come.

I have two birthday wishes: new sunglasses. and a referral.  please??
let the july birthdays continue! (we have 9 in our family!)

7 comments:

Melissa said...

You are an inspiration! truely!

thedunns said...

I love how open you are! You hide nothing, you speak what's on your heart, and you inspire me! I hope you have the happiest birthday tomorrow & that 29 is more than just FINE for you!!!!

Sarah said...

#1. I love you.
#2. Your hair looks like a dream in that bottom pic with char. A dream I tell you.

Lori said...

Happy Birthday to you and thank you for sharing. You make me feel good about people in general. And I am so hoping you get your birthday referral!!!

SaraLyons said...

Happy Birthday!

Rebekah said...

Hope you had a wonderful birthday!!!

katie davis said...

gosh i'm still so jealous of your hair. that's an appropriate response to this post, right??? ;) just kidding.

i love you friend. and all God has done in that beautiful heart of yours through the ugly that has happened in life.

third point: donnie's sister is making a dora cake for c's bday next month. and i most def showed her a picture from eden's (2nd?) bday party when pete made a dora cake for her. what a talented man you have there.

oh. i just saw your sister's comment about your hair. a dream indeed!

gosh i miss you.