my perspective on every single thing in life changed at the age of 20 when doug died. I think I became an old lady at a pretty young age. I don't look at anything the same way.
I am more thankful for everything. I actually couldn't finish reading "the color kittens" to the girls today at nap time because I was so choked up. because as I was reading I was overwhelmed by the fact that God gave them to me to read to. I'm serious. crying over story time. told you...old lady.
last night I had a hard time falling asleep because I was missing Doug and was having a hard time reliving some difficult memories. it just happens...mostly when I least expect it. I got mad that I was about to be 29 and he only made it to 22 days shy of 24.
this morning I woke up with a renewed soul. and I am not thinking about those hurty memories. I am thinking of good ones. and making new ones with my daughters.
including: making ants a playground and swimming pool with side walk chalk...
because I used to think that admitting that I was thankful for life and feeling fine, meant that I was somehow erasing the deep pain that I still feel and covering up parts of life and people that aren't here anymore. but it doesn't.
It means thank God for another year of life and breath and grace and miracles. thank God for the past, and the now, and the unknown to come.
I have two birthday wishes: new sunglasses. and a referral. please??
let the july birthdays continue! (we have 9 in our family!)
